Date Received: January 26, 2017 Context: Me being eternally grateful Vol. XXX is not another photo of Lady Gaga's bare ass
Date Received: November 6, 2016 Context: Solange performs on "Saturday Night Live" Lord help my father if he ever encounters the Beyhive.
Date Received: October 30, 2016 Context: The only thing my father takes more seriously than his love for ballsy, polarizing comediennes is his love for Cleveland sports. This ain't no fucking game.
Date Received: September 26, 2016 Context: My dad's neighbor is a moron who puts a red lightbulb in his porch light every Christmas (not the point of this post, but I mean, come on.)
Date Received: August 28, 2016 Context: Filling out "Jeopardy!" contestant forms Truer words have never been spoken.
Date Received: August 25, 2016 Context: Was reading up on presidential facts for my doomed appearance on "Jeopardy!" Ended up learning two things that I truly never needed - nor wanted - to know.
Date Received: July 17, 2016 Context: Andy Murray
Date Received: June 27, 2016 Context: Not a true fax, but important all the same. Sent immediate family my vacation itinerary, and my father responded with his motive to have me murdered. And yes, I left the @aol.com visible to shame him.
Date Received: March 20, 2016 Context: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯