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Watching movies isn't my job, but it sure as fuck should be.

Faking Your Way Through the Oscars: Part I

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL! ...except Kevin Spacey. It's finally time to look back on the beloved year that was 2017 and all the treasured memories that came along with it. What could possibly go wrong? Honestly, I can't... Continue Reading →

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Faking Your Way Through the Oscars: Part II

Actress in a Supporting Role Mary J. Blige, Mudbound Allison Janney, I, Tonya Lesley Manville, Phantom Thread Laurie Metcalf, Lady Bird Octavia Spencer, The Shape of Water Listen, we all know Allison Janney is a national treasure, but maybe if she had been justly awarded... Continue Reading →

Faking Your Way Through the Oscars: Part III

Film Editing Baby Driver Dunkirk I, Tonya The Shape of Water Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri  Unfortunately, neither the editor of I, Tonya nor Lady Bird had the foresight to edit out America's Other Sweetheart. I haven't heard a more all-encompassing groan in a... Continue Reading →

Faking Your Way Through the Oscars: Part IV

Writing (Original Screenplay) Emily V. Gordon and Kumail Nanjiani, The Big Sick Jordan Peele, Get Out Greta Gerwig, Lady Bird Guillermo del Toro and Vanessa Taylor, The Shape of Water Martin McDonagh, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri How to pretend to be an Oscars expert:... Continue Reading →

Faking Your Way Through the Oscars: Part V

Best Picture Call Me By Your Name Copying and pasting my thoughts about Moonlight from a year ago and hoping that, in time, I will also be able to appreciate this movie for the masterpiece it maybe is. "I really, really... Continue Reading →

How To Win Your Oscar Pool: Part I

Listen, I realize in the grand scheme of things, watching movies fares just a tad lower than say... the inevitably of you and everyone you've ever loved being incinerated to a gelatinous pile of goo in the impending nuclear holocaust. But would it have... Continue Reading →

How To Win Your Oscar Pool: Part II

There are 62 films nominated for an Oscar this year. This post contains 30 of those nominees. You have *maybe* heard of 2 or 3 of them. So take note. This is "How To Win Your Oscar Pool (And Other Ways to Be... Continue Reading →

How To Win Your Oscar Pool: Part III

Here we are at the bathroom break awards, because those damn shorts and (shudder) foreign language bullshit snuck up on you, and at that point you were way too comfortable on the couch to move and obviously too busy scrolling through... Continue Reading →

How To Win Your Oscar Pool: Part IV

Congratulations! You've made it to the part where we discuss 5 of the 6 categories that you "normal" people that don't spend 2-3 days a week in a movie theater actually pretend to give a shit about. You can un-glaze your... Continue Reading →

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